It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
