does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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