I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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