4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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