Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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