i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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