addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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