Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
