On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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