At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
