Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
