he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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