Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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