i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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