I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
