Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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