I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Houston, we have a squirter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
