The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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