I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
