Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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