I cannot find my penis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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