May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
