We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
