There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
