If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
