There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
