Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
