dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
