i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
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your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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