It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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