He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
