he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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