i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
