Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
