there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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