..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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