i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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