so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize