I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
