I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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