my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
