I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
