I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
