my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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