even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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