Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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