I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
