If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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