You're completely useless in the revolution.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
