so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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