You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
