I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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