i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
