The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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