i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
