I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
