people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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