I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
