DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
