Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy sore nipples Batman
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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