I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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