oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
