Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
