Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
