Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
