I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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