Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
