Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
