I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
