If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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